1 Year Anniversary at 7:39 PM

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Yo yo yo!!! It's been a long time since i've blogged and i apologize for my absence but i really wanted to get 100% into the mood for National Schools and focus my mind on that and nothing else, even skipping school on Monday...Don't tell any of the teachers or i die! But seriously i really couldn't deal with class a day before competition, i was so focused that i'd probably just be stoning in class and disrupting lessons.

It's finally over though, and i feel so so so SO relieved. And happy! BECAUSE WE WON 4-1 BABY FIRST TIME IN 10 YEARS TO WIN THE B' DIV TITLE WARRRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Even during the prelim rounds against BPS and AES we were already pretty tense, or at least i was, we all were not prepared to make any mistakes and we just wanted to go all out and get to the finals first, and i played really cautiously i seriously didn't take any chances at all so my games were a bit boring but hey heck we made it :D. Then the day of the finals...man when the team came together i swear the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Nobody said "i'm scared" or "i'm really nervous" or anything like that, but training, laughing, sweating, bleeding, crying with these guys for 4 years, i know their habits, their behaviour, their actions, and yesterday i could feel the tension and the readiness AND THE FIRE radiating from each and every one of them. You could tell that we wanted it so badly, and i think that's what really counts, more than anything else, how badly you want it, and we wanted it much more than Chinese High did and i'm not afraid to say it. When we got to Toa Payoh Sports Hall, we realised that all the stands and railings were filled with Chinese High banners and flags. They basically took up the entire space and refused to take down their banners at our area when we asked them too saying that they made the effort to come early and put them up. What the hell kind of logic is that? So if i come a day before the competition and put RI banners all over the hall and don't give you any space to put yours at all you can't make me take it down? Right. And their councillours were so cocky about it, especially this one pimply faced guy with teeth that looked better fit on a donkey, that if the team weren't watching and if Mr.Kwan wasn't there i really might've just lost my cool, but i didn't wanna let it affect me and the rest of the team so i just told everyone to back off and let Mr.Kwan handle it, let them put up as many banners as they want, we'll still kick their butts.

Some of them asked me why i took so long to start the warmup, but honestly i was waiting for our supporters to come down, i wanted them to be there to cheer and clap for us when we finished our warmup and cheered our hearts out so the team would be encouraged too, that we would feel the Rafflesian Spirit within each and every one of us and i believe that we did, because i felt support and cheering from the Raffles stand that i never felt for a long long time, and it really felt gooooooodddd. When the B' boys finally went outside to avoid distraction before our match, there was quite a bit of awkwardness when people were just trying to occupy themselves so they wouldn't think about the negative things, which is a good thing, Mr.Eng taught us that during MST, and i'm glad it was of use to the guys. But i'm a bit different i guess, i want to get hyped up, i want to feel the fire burning inside me, i want to feel the pressure and stress on me and turn it into passion, fueling my body and mind to think faster and stronger than ever and doing things at my peak, so i always try to get as psyched up as possible and think about the match and build up the aggression instead of relaxing and not thinking about it, that doesn't work for me.

When we finally went in there, i led the last few cheers before our match and in those few seconds, i truly realised the deep meaning of being the team captain. It's hard to describe this but i'll try my best... The post of team captain doesn't have to go to the best player, it goes to someone who can inspire the team. We often hear that word come out, a good leader must be an inspirer, to inspire, inspire, inspire, inspire, inspire. Yet what does inspiring mean? Well, to me, it means being a nexus of energy and passion and spirit at the moments before the competitions, to encourage the team, to set their minds along the right path and lead them in the right direction. But it is also more than that, it means leading mind, body, and soul during everyday trainings, and this is what i believe is the most important. If you're going to be someone who just shouts and encourages during competition but doesn't do anything during the other 364 days of the year, then that's not good enough. Because the main job of the captain is to enable others to act. And that isn't done 5 minutes before competition, it's done at all other trainings OTHER than competition. It's about making sacrifices for the good of the team, it's about disregarding personal gratification and putting the team as priority number one, leading in both words and action. And i thank God so much for the tongue he has blessed me with, i don't know how but during these crucial moments i can always come up with the right words to hit everyone deep in their hearts and release their fire, and during training i can keep the energy level at a high with a loud voice and rousing words, that is something i know i cannot do alone, it's by the blessing of the Lord Jesus Christ that i have this gift, and i will make the best of it to further everything i take part in and to glorify the name of the only living God. But i also realised one other thing. No matter how good a captain can be, one man is not enough, it is the other 12 players in my batch that make it complete. Without them nothing will be achieved, and the depth of fighting spirit and energy and determination i see whenever i train with them is so immense that you can't help but feel overwhelmed and throw yourself into whatever you're doing when the Rafflesian spirit comes out of every one of us. One person i really wish to thank so much on behalf of the team is Xinyang. I don't know whether the others ever noticed it, but i definitely have, he is one of the hardest workers i've ever seen. He's not talented in Judo because he doesn't have the aggression required for the sport, but that is nothing to be ashamed of and we have never looked down on him because he tries harder than many of us who are twice as talented as he is. I was his partner in Sec 1 and 2 and seriously, my heart cries out for him when i think about how hard he trains yet can't make it into the team. Even though he's never been one to try to draw attention to himself, he is a pillar of support for the team, and we would be less without him, i know that for sure, because it is the ones like him that lift us up when our legs fail us, that drive us on with their quiet perseverance, and Xinyang, if you're reading this, i want to say a very big thank you on behalf of the team.

When we first stepped into the dojo, i felt the passion and aggression building in me, and i knew within me that i would win this no matter what happened to the rest of the players, and that is how we were all supposed to feel, not to be affected by any other and not to think that it's ok to lose because the others would make it up for us, but to play our hearts out in every match and focus on the match and the match alone. But thankfully when it came to me, it was already 3-1, and i was determined to make it 4-1, but at the same time, enjoy myself, and i did thoroughly, i felt so alive and just so good playing for Raffles Institution, the school that will always be the number 1 school in my heart no matter where i go in this life, and showing our opponents that we are truly models of the Rafflesian Spirit. When we won we were seriously jumping around like crazy idiots, i remember leaping into Tan's arms and hugging him and then when i let go i saw Mr.Eng bounce out of nowhere jumping around like crazy too and i hugged him too and we were all laughing and that feeling was so good. I felt the same way when we won the C' boys too, it's a reward to all the effort we put in and it is a reward we truly deserve. Thank you B' boys, i love each and every one of you for just being there and for training so hard and perservering through trainings that would break a lesser man. You are the cream of the cream, we have proven that over and over again and i know for sure that we will all make it well in whatever path life takes us when we grow up, because we are Raffles Judokas, and we will never give up.

Alright, that's done for the competition, woo that was a way long entry, but hey, there were so many feelings you have to understand :D

Anyway here's today! Going back to my point about enjoying myself during my match, i realise that that was something really lacking in me, i didn't enjoy what i was doing enough! And today i realised my mistake and made up for it, and won 3rd place in the Chinese Karaoke Competition :p Ok i hear you guys saying "Lincoln?! CHINESE?! NO WAY!" But too bad believe it because i won you fags lol! Got beaten by Yingwei and Ye zi two Chinamen from sec 3 though, but hey, it's my first time, i'll try better next time ;) Ooh and qing fei de yi is now playing on my winamp, the song that i sang! I was so nervous going in there that my knees were seriously shaking you COULD SEE IT it was THAT BAD, but i told myself, this is my last year in RI and i am going to enjoy this no matter what happens, and i am proud of myself because i think i put up one heck of a show, i sang as good as i could under the stress even though my mouth was really dry, and i was smiling and i genuinely had a good time dancing in front of the audience and now that i look back at it, i know i'll cherish this moment forever because it's one of the times when i wasn't afraid of anybody laughing at me or making a fool of myself but i did something that i knew i would enjoy, and everyone else enjoyed it too and that's the way life should be lived and that's what i'm going to do from now on, take part in anything that i want to and not hold back not caring if people tease me about it like i was so scared of just a few months ago. This is my last year in RI and i'm going to live it to the fullest!

Oh yeah 2 prizes in 2 days!

I used to ask why God let people go through so much hardship and trouble if he was almighty and could make us happy all the time, and recently i got my answers, it's so we can become stronger as people and as Christians, strengthing our minds and bodies but most importantly, our faith in him, which is the only thing we live for, to glorify him and have everlasting life with him in the palace of heaven. And i'm glad for all the things that i failed in and all the mistakes that i made, because only from then i learnt to pick myself up, and i know i am becoming a better person through them, and i thank the Lord for picking me up and carrying me when i fell and couldn't get up anymore, for there is only so much a man can take, but Jesus Christ can carry all the burdens in the world for you.

Thank you God for all you have blessed me with, your servant is eternally grateful. And thank all of you, every single person in my life, who has made a difference, and made me into the person i am today.

RAFFLES FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WE ARE IMMORTAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! roar :)